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Whip It Good! Writing Erotica That Makes Your Reader Go “Mm hmm”

Since the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, the once latent genre of erotica is making more

than people’s eyes raise these days. Of course, E.L. James was not the only author to release

novels about the art of monkey love. Before her, there was D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s

Lover, Henry Miller’s Tropic of Cancer, and Erica Jong’s Fear of Flying, not to mention authors

such as A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice), R.J. Masters, and Caleb Knight, to name a few. If you

were to do a random Google search of erotica, you’re immediately bombarded with an

eclectic menagerie of novels by authors trying to tackle a genre that some would still consider

taboo. Who wants to read about sex? Right? (A devilish grin forms on my mouth even as I type

that question.)

What constitutes good erotica now-a-days? How do you compete in an over sexualized

world with writers trying their hand at slapping the monkey?

First, in order to write erotica, you need to be comfortable with being able to describe

the act without giggling. Ok, I take that back, maybe a little snicker here or there, but you should

probably take it seriously if you’re going to write about sex. Cue the music—(This is the part

where you put on Salt-N-Pepa’s hit song Let’s Talk About Sex as I continue on with the rest of

my spiel).

As an author tackling the world of Urban Fantasy, I’ve often seen some of the lines

blurred as I set out to write love scenes. I’m always in the mindset “Be careful. It’s my first

time.” Wink. Wink. Nod. Nod. However, the only way to get your feet wet is to dive in and try

your hand at it. Yet the appeal of writing an erotic novel is fascinating. How far do you push the

envelope? With the evolution of the internet and powerhouse search engines like Google is there

anything out there that will shock people anymore?

My first attempt was not bad, but not great either. The struggle for me is that, number

one, I’m a dude. I’d rather see the action than write about it. After all, men are usually more

visual than women. Women enjoy the fantasy and the build up that accompanies erotica, which

sounds easy enough to capture. The Harlequin novels with the chiseled men on the front holding

the damsel in distress seem to have the formula down to a science. My head is spinning with

where to start on my journey to improving my craft. How does a novice begin to tackle jungle love?

Let’s consider the psychological perspective, taken from Robert S. Feldman’s

Understanding Psychology 6th edition; human sexuality, by nature, is complicated on an

individual level depending on the “expectations, attitudes, beliefs, and the state of medical and

biological knowledge of a given period.” In other words, we love sex! And with it comes a sort

of complexity based upon each writer, which brings up another question—what does writing

about sex say about you (the author)? If you write about doggie style, does that mean people

think you’re a freak in the sheets? Not necessarily. Erotica that gets a person hot and bothered is

good storytelling, not a reflection of the writer. Or is it? Sex is complicated, but it’s a part of life

and human nature. There are also many levels of erotica—it’s not just male and female. Gay and

Lesbian erotica is a growing market and is seeing a rise in writers not afraid to tackle the genre

wholeheartedly.

It’s easy to write about two lovers intertwined in the art of Kama Sutra, but writing a

compelling story that justifies the sex is the hard part.

Currently, technology reins supreme as the main source of information for the current

iGeneration. They base their knowledge on what their friends tell them or what they can find

with a typical Google search (which is not always pretty by the way), but I digress.

Understanding how men and women respond to sex is just as important to your writing as

knowing what you’re writing about. Think about what turns you on specifically. Do you enjoy

getting handcuffed? What about licking chocolate syrup off your partner’s chest? One of the

many rules for writing is ‘write what you know.’ Now, this doesn’t mean you have to go out and

do ‘research’ every weekend just so you can produce a novel worthy of a Hollywood treatment.

On the contrary, there are other ways to become a better writer of erotica and love scenes in

general—read! See what’s out there and take notes. Know your audience! Define what you want

to write. There’s a difference between erotica and pornography. Erotica requires a certain je ne

sais quoi; you can’t dive into the sex without the foreplay. Well, you could, but it probably

wouldn’t bring the notoriety that you want. It’s all about the scenes.

If you want get down to business, but need a quickie, I highly recommend you check out

the hysterical article by Steve Almond called “How to Write a Sex Scene: The 12-step program.”

(Almond, Steve. (2005). How to write a sex scene. UTNE Reader. Ogden Publications, 2005. Retrieved from  http://www.utne.com/arts/how-to-write-a-sex-scene.aspx)

In it, he writes the following:

Step 1: Never compare a woman’s nipples to:

  1.  Cherries

  2.  Cherry pits

  3.  Pencil erasers

  4.  Frankenstein’s bolts

Step 2a: Resist the temptation to use genital euphemisms, unless you are trying to be funny

  1. No: Tunnel of Love, Candy Shop, Secret Garden, Pleasure Gate

  2. Equally No: Flesh Kabob, Magic Wand, Manmeat

  3. Especially No: Bearded Clam, Tube Steak, Sperm Puppet

Step 3: Then again, sometimes sex is funny. And if you ever saw a videotape of yourself in action, you’d agree. Don’t be afraid to portray comic aspects. If one of your characters, in a dire moment of passion, hits a note that sounds

eerily like Celine Dion, duly note this. If another can’t stay hard, allow him to use a ponytail

holder for an improvised cock ring. And later on, if his daughter comes home and demands to

know where her ponytail holder is, well, so be it.

Step 4: Real people do not talk in porn clichés.

  1. They do not say: “Give it to me, big boy.”

  2. They do not say: “Suck it, baby. That’s right, all the way down.”

  3. They do not say: “Yes, deeper, harder, deeper! Oh baby, oh Christ, yes!”

At least, they do not say these things to me.

Most of the time, real people say all kinds of weird, funny things during sex, such as, “I think

I’m losing circulation” and “I’ve got a cramp in my foot” and “Oh, sorry!” and “Did you come

already? Goddamn it!”

Step 5: Use all the senses.

The cool thing about sex—aside from its being, uh, sex—is that it engages all five of our

human senses. So don’t ignore the more subtle cues. Give us the scents and the tastes and the

sounds of the act. And stay away from the obvious ones. By which I mean that I’d take a sweet,

embarrassed pussy fart over a shuddering moan any day.

The article brings up some very good key points without giving you the same old bullshit.

I could include the whole article, but then I’d take the fun out of the rest of the Almond’s

information. I guarantee you may find it even more titillating than what I exposed you to! Check

The bottom line with erotica and sex scenes that I’ve learned is that you have to be

willing to invest the time in making your scene pop—turn your reader on. Sex creates a response

within us and that key point often gets lost. Don’t be afraid to experiment and don’t over think it.

If you’re able to invoke horniness just by writing a simple sentence then you know you’ve done

your job right. With that said, get practicing—safely! 😉

By Romualdo R. Chavez

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